Time Flys

Well it as been sometime since I have been on my blog....
Dear Charlie:

I never really had a lot of time to understand you. You came into my life at 17 and left again and was never able to see me. You engorged in a dark room with no light and smoked away and yet never really probably thought of what you were missing out on. Now you are sick and dying. So you will never have the chance to get to know me now, or your grandchildren. I tried for a few weeks to take care of you and be at your side but again with you and everyone’s rejection felt like a use. My name is Cindy Marie Cunningham was (Laskowski) this is Charlie this was the other person who helped put me on this earth. It’s funny how life takes its unexpected turns in life. I remember meeting you for the first time I was in a foster home one street up from where you grew up. I waited as you walked in the door anxious. You where very tall and you pulled a picture out of your wallet and it was me in second grade. A friend told me letting go isn’t always giving up, holding onto something that has been hurting me is giving up on myself. I need except my own limitations and understand that I was now involved and could not fix this problem. I do have a few memories but nothing much. Not holding your grandchildren for the first time or even the first couple of months. I am angry right now and I am sad but I can’t even have a conversation with you. You are now sleeping and not dealing with life again well it feels that way. You are a grown man and responsible for your own decisions I hope that you will swim in this Ocean you are being thrown into and de side not to drown. There is a sadness of your family that has not excepted me. I pray that god keeps you close to his heart and you find peace with knowing he is on your side but I think this is a test for you to see what you will make of this time.

Time...

Where has the time gone. I have been working so much and I really miss my family and friends. I sometimes get caught up in complaining about life. We all do and we take things for granted the simple things. I go into work and remind myself that I was once there no home no family just a bunch of strangers taking care of me.I also remember how good it was for me to live a life of foster homes and programs because it allowed me to become the woman I am today. I like to use the term I got it all out and fortunatley I had a few people in my life that guided me and made sure I stayed on track. So with that this is te reason I have worked wit cildren for 11 years it is to give back what has been given to me. I have a wonderful husband and 2 amazing children that grant me the gift of love everyday. I am truley thanful to all the people and my family for showing me a life of good and happiness.

Life is so good

So I haven't written in awhile.... I got caught up in all the excitment of life It keeps me busy.
I want to list Ten top things I am greatrful for today
1. MY KIDS AND HUSBAND THANK YOU LORD FOR BLESSING ME WITH THEM
2. MY FAMILY SISTERS BROTHER MOM DAD
3. I ALIVE
4. I HAVE A HOME AND I AM WARM TONIGHT
5. I HAVE STRENGTH
6. I HAVE COURAGE
7. I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING SUPPORTIVE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE
8. I HAVE BEEN GIVEN GIFTS TO SHARE
9. I CAN SEE, WALK, AND HEAR
10. I AM LOVED

I wanted to let myself know that as human beings we all take things for granted and maybe complain about things that we shouldn't always. We are all blessed with gifts in our lives. So I will try to make a consious effort to not complain as much.

So today was fun Kailey had a little pep rally for the cheerleaders (older girls) going onto nationals. Kyle had a great day in school. All in all it was a good day :) I went to UPS in Shrewsbury to drop off cable boxes and after standing in line for a 1/2 hour the guys says where sorry but you have to go to a UPS store.... So I smiled and went on my way to Park Ave. and it took 20mins. for that to be done but they were very nice so it wasn't a so bad wait.Cleaned the house tonight so did get some stuff accomplished. Life feels good right now....

So I was thinking of how to make my babes more intrested in school. They have so many expectations now but it doesn't excuse the way they act.... They need a little tough love. Life always takes an unexpected turn. one does well the other doesn't they do tag team. I did have and urge to spread I love you's to every one yesterday. I will get myself through this. I think I will need to find an art class for Kyle and something really social for Kailey. Parent teach confrences hmmm what to do what to do.

The little things...

So during the trip I was able to reflect on myself a lot. I was also able to build a great connection with my brother in- law Mark. Its the little things and acts that make me happy even if there are consequences the end result is a lessoned learned and to me that is to be great full for. When I arrived home it was the best feeling in the world to see Kyle and Kailey bolt off the bus just to see there mama. So I took some random picture on the way and all it was, was sky and corn fields. It gave me a warm feeling though and it also gave me an urge to want to just run into the field and take a breath and release every once of negative thought or feelings. I still let it out but just only looking at the picture. It was like a swing in the rain. Life is loved right now......

First day in St. Louis

So arrived with a happy heart and really greatfull to get a good night sleep on Janel and Adam's couch it was super confy and I slept well. love life.