Time Flys

Well it as been sometime since I have been on my blog....
Dear Charlie:

I never really had a lot of time to understand you. You came into my life at 17 and left again and was never able to see me. You engorged in a dark room with no light and smoked away and yet never really probably thought of what you were missing out on. Now you are sick and dying. So you will never have the chance to get to know me now, or your grandchildren. I tried for a few weeks to take care of you and be at your side but again with you and everyone’s rejection felt like a use. My name is Cindy Marie Cunningham was (Laskowski) this is Charlie this was the other person who helped put me on this earth. It’s funny how life takes its unexpected turns in life. I remember meeting you for the first time I was in a foster home one street up from where you grew up. I waited as you walked in the door anxious. You where very tall and you pulled a picture out of your wallet and it was me in second grade. A friend told me letting go isn’t always giving up, holding onto something that has been hurting me is giving up on myself. I need except my own limitations and understand that I was now involved and could not fix this problem. I do have a few memories but nothing much. Not holding your grandchildren for the first time or even the first couple of months. I am angry right now and I am sad but I can’t even have a conversation with you. You are now sleeping and not dealing with life again well it feels that way. You are a grown man and responsible for your own decisions I hope that you will swim in this Ocean you are being thrown into and de side not to drown. There is a sadness of your family that has not excepted me. I pray that god keeps you close to his heart and you find peace with knowing he is on your side but I think this is a test for you to see what you will make of this time.